“Human presence is a creative and turbulent sacrament, a visible sign of invisible grace”. John O'Donohue

Thursday, 25 May 2017

New Moon in Gemini

On this the night of the New Moon in Gemini - the sign of my birth month - I meet myself in ritual.

I meet myself on the land. Not the land of my birth, but the land which holds space in my heart's geography.

I meet myself to find release. I ask to release all that has caused my heart to break since the time of this same New Moon last year.

All of the heartbreak

All of the loss

All of the feelings of abandonment

All of the beliefs of Not Good Enough

All Of It

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I let the Fire receive it

I let the Water receive it

I let the Earth receive it

I let the Air receive it

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I release to Love and Healing and Wholeness those dear beautiful men who have met me in love and in hurt.
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I release Hiding

I release Excuses

I release Avoiding the work

I release Shying away from real intimacy

I release Dependency

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I let it all be taken and transformed and gently caressed into wholeness by the love and goodness of All That Is.
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गते गते पारगते पारसंगते बोधि स्वाहा

Gate, Gate, Paragate, 
Para Sam gate 
Bodhi svaha 

Gone, Gone, Gone beyond 
Gone utterly beyond 
Oh what an Awakening

~The Heart Sutra


Sunday, 14 May 2017

Let's Make Kindness Cool Again

The other night, in the middle of the night, I received a message.  I know, I know, I should switch off my phone when I am sleeping. All those radio waves’ll mess with your brainwaves. 

But WiFi was on when I fell asleep and the phone was right there next to me on the  pillow.
Ping!

“\get the fuvk ouy of my life!”

I imagine they typed it drunk. Or maybe with the hurried fingers of someone who’s angry, or who knows they’re doing something wrong ( like using  someone else’s facebook account, maybe?) and wants it over with before they're discovered, or before they change their mind.

Wow!
3 am
Thanks for that.

Whatever rationalisation I would normally have brought to bear on the situation was useless at 3 am. I spent the rest of the morning awake, reeling, anxious and, frankly, just damned sad.

My story is that this sort of nastiness floats around waiting for somewhere to land, until it is projected onto the next person. A sort of free floating energetic wave of bile. Mindfulness helps us dodge it, to duck,  or gracefully to circle out of its way. 

But when it lands, it sticks.

Whatever was going on in this person’s personal energetic orbit ( and they had their reasons I guess) they had no right  to throw it in my direction. But throw it they did, and it landed.  

The reason I am bringing it up is because I was already feeling into this idea of the free-floating unkindness. When I showed the first draft of this blog to a friend, she struggled with that concept that "unkindness" was a thing. Maybe so. I get that. But if we recognise kindness as a thing, then by unkindness, I mean that which is not kindness. A spectrum from just not very nice, to downright nasty. 

I started running with this thought as I  watched several conversations on social media descend into the kind of meanness that I last saw in the school playground. Bear in mind, my social media is populated by yogis and healers and “spiritual” people who should, frankly, know better. Now, we can forgive eight year olds for getting it wrong when they are just learning how to be in the world of people and words and feelings. What happened? When did the very people who are teaching others about kindness, forget how to be kind?

The energy of unkindness is pervasive and catching. It feeds on us like a parasite, it grows and infects and becomes so normalised, so much common currency that people seem to be unaware that they are even doing it. It  feels to me like a deep fear of exposure. The yogis and healers talk a good game about vulnerability but actually it terrifies us. And this propagates some serious projection. What terrifies us surely has to be someone else’s fault, right? Something that other people are doing wrong. Not simply a feeling that we have, that we all have.  The social media that brings people and communities together so creatively, at the same time has us going for each other’s throats. The Instagram filtered seeming perfection of everyone else’s life, job, dinner and sunset is all just so visibly, seemingly BETTER than what we have!  

Bring them down before they  bring you down?

Nah.

Kindness is utterly at the core of how I choose to be in the world.

I want to make Kindness cool again. 

Monday, 1 May 2017

Beltane Blessings

We welcome this the first day of the season of Beltane, where we honour our inner fire. 

We now begin to move more boldly into the active phase of the wheel of the year, letting go of any remaining sluggishness, heaviness, or fear that is holding us back from following our longing, our desires and our passions...

The Beltane fire is lit, and in doing so we honour the bright bold energy of the Sun as it moves in these next few weeks towards its height at midsummer.  The Beltane Sun sparks our inner flame of love, passion, creativity and sexuality. May we tend well to these precious gifts of our humanness. 

 

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Mirror

Are you listening to yourself?

Are you?

Are you listening to yourself?

This is the question circulating in and around my being. The question asked of me by one who holds a very clear, polished, stark, magnifying mirror to my bullshit. I hate it. I hate this reflection. And yet, I love and trust the mirror. 

I DON'T KNOW!

What does that even look like? Or is it sound like? 

What is it that you want? He asks. 

I wish it was that simple. What I want. 

What do I want?

I want you to listen to me

I'm listening, he says.

And he was

Listening.

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So, who is it that is not listening to you?

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EVERYONE!

No, he says, it's YOU!

You're not listening to yourself.
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It's ALL You!